i wished

 

i wished i wasn’t

so broken

so crisscrossed with scars

left behind like disjointed railroad tracks to nowhere

 

i wished i didn’t need

so many repairs

so much restoration to fill in cracks

that lingered like ragged wounds that won’t heal

 

i wished i didn’t have

so much baggage

so many boxes filled with things i no longer need

with garments that don’t fit

and cloaks that hide

and shiny masks that cover up

 

but I

was under those scars

within those cracks

inside that baggage

sheltered and solitary and secluded

 

and You

You found me hiding there

 

and they don’t need to be fixed

instead transformed

merged into something new

not taken away, but added to

 

with golden gestures that reveal scars

to be gilded rivers carrying lessons and now wisdom

 

with silver words that expose cracks

to be joints fusing broken bits into a particular whole

 

with bronzed actions that kindly, patiently peek inside boxes

to unpack heavy things, keeping what’s valuable and leaving the rest behind

 

i wished

to erase

to eradicate

to eliminate

 

when what I needed was

to make a new mark

to create a new opening

to build a new vessel

anew, anew, anew